Eating Your Words

We are all familiar with the saying "eat your words"....(some of us are more familiar than others)....it's apparently one of my favorite dishes. But I find it very interesting that there are numerous times in the Bible where "eating God's words" is referenced! The first time I'd heard of this was in Ezekiel....it says that God FED him a scroll...and it tasted like honey, too!

Ezek 3:1-3 "Then he said to me, 'Son of man, eat what you find; eat this scroll, and go, speak to the house of Israel.' So I opened my mouth, and He fed me this scroll. And He said to me, 'Son of man, feed your stomach, and fill your body with this scroll which I am giving you.' Then I ate it, and it was sweet as honey in my mouth."

Then we have Jeremiah, joyfully eating God's word...and also experiencing spiritual heartburn (see below, Jeremiah 20:9): Jer 15:16 "Thy words were found and I ate them, and Thy words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; For I have been called by Thy name, O Lord God of hosts."

Deuteronomy talks of man, in general, living on the Word of God: Deu 8:3 "...man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord."

There are so many lessons in these passages, but for today, MY take away is that if I consumed more of God's words, maybe I'd have to eat less of my own!!

**Lord, put me on your "scriptural diet plan" today. Give me the kind of desire to consume your Word as I have for chocolate cake or homemade sourdough bread!! Teach me to be like Jeremiah who said (Jeremiah 20:9), "...His word burns in my heart like a fire. It's like a fire in my bones!"

Need to Breathe has an amazing song called "Something Beautiful" (how appropriate since that's my blog title) and it talks about being consumed:

Hey now, this is my desire

Consume me like a fire,

'cause I just want something beautiful To touch me,

I know that I'm in reach 'Cause I am down on my knees.

I'm waiting for something beautiful

Oh, something beautiful

While these are beautiful words, I am painfully aware that I can not pray these words w/o a cost.  The process of consumption also involves "burning away the chaff"--getting rid of ALL those unlovely and unGodly things about me.  Ashamedly, some days I just want to be WARMED  by His fire--not consumed; just keep my happy and comfy.  So Lord, today I DO pray that you'll consume me....AND that I will, in YOUR strength, allow you to burn away the chaff....and create something beautiful in my life.

A Broken Heart

My heart is heavy; it drips with grief and sadness and despair.

I try to feel you near me; where are you, God, oh where?

It breaks my heart to watch the life drain slowly from her eyes,

Is she always so strong or does she wait for solitude to have her cries?

Her body is broken, but not her spirit. She's a fighter-she's always been.

It seems that time is standing still just waiting on the end. 

Oh how I hate this ravaging beast that's taking her away--
But how I love my maker who has made another way.

Her humming, her laughter, her jolly soul are tucked deep inside of me
I'll cherish them inside my heart until we meet in eternity.

Long time no hear from

Well, Maw-Maw died 2 days after my last post--December 23, 2009. She wanted to make it to her 80th bday and missed it by one month to the day. She died like she lived--gracefully. I miss her so much--it hasn't even been 2 months and it seems like 2 years. Almost daily I think about something I should tell her--and remember that she's not here. BUT, I am thrilled that she's w/ her father in Heaven AND her earthly father that she had missed for so long. And I am beyond thrilled to know that I will SEE HER AGAIN.

We have gotten a good start on cleaning out her house...what a crazy experience. It has definitely provided some comic relief! I'm pretty sure we could've been on some HGTV show--Hoarders, maybe? This would really be more like "organized hoarding". 500 nacho trays, 50 pairs of glasses, hundreds of paper plates and ziploc baggies, 3 mini tv's in the storage building, BOXES of extra sheets and towels, multiple blenders and mixers, several sets of unopened dishes, clothes w/ the tags still on, 100 pairs of shoes, 7 jars of honey, and on and on it goes. So we wonder if there is some deep seated psychological cause for having all this "stuff" in such large quantities....there's the whole "grew up in the depression" theory, the "looking for happiness in stuff" theory, but truly, I just think she liked to shop....and she was practical, so instead of buying a new outfit or purse every week like many women, she bought ziploc baggies....WITH A COUPON...(she would think that was very important to note. )

Her death is still too fresh to say exactly how God will use this trial in my life, but I trust that He will. I know that I will be far more compassionate toward "caregivers" in any situation. I really had NO idea what that was like--the physical and mental exhaustion is really indescribable at times. The time to minister to these people is not AFTER their loved one dies, it's BEFORE. Cards, prayers, meals, visits, errands and grocery shopping, maybe even offering to sit while they take a break. I just didn't know how much these people need help and encouragement--but I pray that I will never forget after this experience!

beautiful: Eternal life in Heaven
good: 34 years with an AMAZINGLY INSPIRING Maw-Maw!!

"I am not alone, for my Father is with me." John 16:32

Maw-Maw is at the end of her life in this world--in some ways I am so ready for her to go--it's PAST time, really--and yet, I'll NEVER be ready for her to go. I can't believe that just last Tuesday night we celebrated Christmas w/ her and she was dressed and in her chair--chatting and directing the show. This photo was taken on my bday (Thursday, the 17th) as she and Sue were making the last few pecan pies to deliver to the neighbors for Christmas. When she finished that day, she declared that she was "done"--I think that carried tremendous meaning for her--meaning that the kitchen was now closed and therefore, her life was done. Spunky, spunky, spunky to the very end!! Today, 4 days after this photo, she lies crumpled in her bed, eyes closed w/ an occasional mumble. It's been a lonely journey for me...has it been for her too? I hope not. I'm still praying that God will use this experience to draw me closer to Him and to help others in the future. Honestly, it's hard to see either through the fog of sadness right now. I read the encouraging verses and sometimes they just feel empty. Today's verse is "I am not alone, for my Father is with me.".....and yet, I DO feel pretty alone. Lord, don't let Satan win this struggle--don't let him weasel his way into my heart during this sad time. Be my fortress, my deliverer, my mighty rock--don't let me depend on friends, relatives, or anyone but you for this strength. I've been guilty of that during the last nine months--searching for strength and encouragement from others when I should've looked to you--I'm sorry--I haven't always allowed you to be my rock. My devotion for today says, "No one ever comes into the full realization of the best things of God in his spiritual life w/o learning to walk alone w/ Him."....."It is in the experience of isolation that the Lord develops an independence of life and faith so that the soul no longer depends on the continual help, prayers, faith, and care of others." These are God's words directly to me--I've struggled w/ this for weeks and blamed others for my struggle....but it's been God FORCING me to realize that THEY are not what I need. Ahhhh--the story of my spiritual life--God forcing me--when will I learn to listen sooner? God, don't let this experience be wasted on me--let my roots grow deeper and let my branches stretch toward the Heavens; let this tree grow more beautiful for you after the storm is over.

beautiful: family to surround you in such a dark time
good: knowing that this disease will NOT win, in the end!

Back to School!

We're coming to the end of our first week of school. It's been a great week!! This year I will spend more time with them doing "group" activities...to some folks that may sound backwards--shouldn't you wean them off of group work and have them working independently? Yes, they need to know how to work independently...but they already do! God has really convicted me about spending more time with them during the school day--making sure they really understand the concepts, learning together, talking through things......and just BEING together! For a while, it looked as though Ella might return to traditional school this year and there were so many things that I "wished I had done". Who knows when our homeschool time together will come to an end and I don't want to live with regrets!! We're going to spend more time in REAL books and less time in text books, do more projects, take more trips, and just have FUN learning! It's only taken me 4 years to learn this....apparently I'm a slow learner....but the important thing is that I have seen the light! Truly, I think it has taken me this long to "break the traditional school mold" that has been planted in my brain...especially having been to college and grad. school in the field of education--it was almost permanently ingrained. Their system isn't terrible--it's pretty much how you HAVE to operate w/ 30 kids in a classroom that are all at a variety of different levels. I think, for the most part, teachers are doing the best w/ what they've got! But is it ideal?! Not for us. Are we perfect around here? No way, but we have flexibility to change things that aren't working, redo things we don't understand, study the things that interest us, and worship God while we're doing all of it!!!!!!!!! Thank you, God, for the opportunity--it's amazing!

Beautiful: watching my kids learn and grow...."in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man"
Good: living in a place where I have the FREEDOM to make educational choices

Eat Your Words!!

I'm using a devotion book called "Lifewalk" these days...a journey through the Bible every year. Today I began the book of Ezekiel...and read one of the (many) passages that I've NEVER known (or processed) before: (Chapter 3 v 1-3) "Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll....so I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat. Then he said to me, "Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it." So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth." He literally ATE God's word!! That gives a whole new meaning to "devouring a good book"! God was sending Ezekiel into a land of hardened and rebellious people (Israelites in Babylon). God LITERALLY filled him w/ His word and His spirit...and made it taste good, too--COOL!! This reminds me how much I limit God...his ways are not my ways...but how often I try to confine Him and force Him to operate within MY bounds, within MY understanding!

beautiful: God's ability to work IN SPITE OF me!
good: the last days of summer vacation

A Diamond in the Rough....or the grass

One of the dumbest things I've EVER done occurred yesterday in my front yard!! Mom lost her earring while riding her mower, so in order to help her out, I placed MY diamond earring in the grass in the front yard to see if a metal detector would pick it up.....it wouldn't, and now my earring is gone, too!! Yes, a woman w/ 33 yrs of life experience and a master's degree did this! 7 hours I crawled around in grass w/ scissors and forks digging, searching, combing for the lost earring. Blisters on my hands, sores on my knees....I think I give up! I can't believe that I KNOW it's out there and I can't find it. Isn't life like that sometimes? We spend so much time looking for something that we just know is out there.....something that will make us happy and satisfied.....but we're just looking in all the wrong places. My last hope is a super sensitive metal detector...something that will guide me, w/ precision to the thing I'm looking for. God's word is like that in our lives; it holds the answers to our questions, but so often we won't even consult Him....we think that our own search will yield more fruit! So, really, I guess yesterday's earring fiasco wasn't truly the dumbest thing I've ever done--I've gone on many quests over the years w/o good direction! Maybe it says something about my priorities, too. Would I spend 7 hrs searching through God's words or in prayer about a problem or concern in my life?

beautiful: God considers me a diamond and searched for me until He found me!
Good: Good that it was my earring and not my wedding ring